Tattoo

Six years ago I got a tattoo near the top of my back. It’s the first and only ink I have considered.

The tattoo is an EKG line of one sinus (normal) beat, one PVC (premature ventricular contraction) and then the script “just live”. I created the line art using a similar idea that used two sinus beats and the same phrase. PVCs are extra beats that don’t really move blood because your heart chambers are beating out of order. Usually having a few of these isn’t cause for concern. They can be like a hiccup of your heart. But at one point I was having 24,000 per day. Which is a lot. And it was affecting my heart’s function and I felt awful. Luckily my doctors figured out a way to get that number down to 8,000 per day and I felt a lot better.

I debated getting the tattoo for four years. I finally decided to do it after my third ICD was implanted. I get two scars with each surgery so I was up to six scars over two different areas on my body. I also was anticipating transplant and the large visible scar I’ll carry on my chest. I decided I wanted to control one of my body markings. I didn’t want all of my body markings to be surgery scars. So in a way, I wanted to take some control back from my disease. I didn’t know if getting a tattoo is a healthy way of coping. I debated this fact for four years until I decided I didn’t care if it was healthy or not. I wanted to do it.

It communicates something important to me about my heart journey. The PVC is literally something I have had to learn to live with. It also represents the general heart struggles I have learned to integrate into my life. And I think it also metaphorically describes my life not going as planned and having to find a way through even when things aren’t quite right.